


my mother did WHAT

by dopekanna



Series: Naruto AU Week 2021 [2]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Arranged Marriage, M/M, Marriage Contracts, Not Beta Read
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-09
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-15 07:20:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29310210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dopekanna/pseuds/dopekanna
Summary: “You’re kidding me, right, baa-chan?” Naruto squeaked.“As serious as a heart attack,” Tsunade said, putting on her best “serious business” face even though she was very clearly trying not to laugh.
Relationships: Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto
Series: Naruto AU Week 2021 [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2150949
Comments: 6
Kudos: 76
Collections: Naruto AU Week 2021





	my mother did WHAT

“You’re kidding me, right, baa-chan?” Naruto squeaked.

“As serious as a heart attack,” Tsunade said, putting on her best “serious business” face even though she was very clearly trying not to laugh. She turned to Sasuke, who looked like he was about to faint. “Your mother and Kushina Uzumaki were _very_ good friends, it seems.”

“So it, uh, seems, yes, I think” Sasuke said weakly, and about two octaves higher than normal.

“With all due respect, Tsunade-sama,” Iruka said, leaning over Tsunade’s shoulder, “they’re a little young to get married, don’t you think?”

“They’re not your Academy students anymore, they’re both 20,” she said, “and I would _hate_ to disregard one of the last requests of the Yondaime’s wife.”

“Ahahahaha, right, of course, anything for Mom…,” Naruto chuckled, rubbing his hand through his hair and sweating bullets. Sasuke was already several hundred yards in a thousand-yard stare.

Iruka looked at them and sighed. “The marriage contract states that you’re free to get a divorce a year after you sign the contract, if it really doesn’t work out. You’re not stuck with each other forever if you don’t want to be.”

“Don’t ruin my fun, Iruka,” Tsunade said, waving him away with a wicked smile, “I expect to get absolutely shitfaced at your wedding, you two. Which is in a month, by the way, so you should get started on planning.”

Naruto sputtered at her, and Iruka shunshined to catch a fainting Sasuke. He spiked some chakra into Sasuke to get him back up, and herded the shell-shocked men out the door, Tsunade’s hysterical laughter echoing down the hall behind them.

“Hey, you guys alright?” he asked them, shaking them slightly. Naruto still seemed to be dazed, but Sasuke snapped back to reality.

“I think so, Iruka-sensei. It was just…a surprise,” Sasuke said, “Also, there’s no way we’re going to be able to plan a wedding in a month.”

“Yeah, no shit,” Naruto groaned, “I don’t think I have enough money to rent a wedding kimono, much less enough booze for Baa-chan.”

“Don’t worry about that, dobe, we can probably get most of the stuff from my clan’s storage,” Sasuke said, taking Naruto’s hand into his own. Naruto nodded and sighed, leaning into his now-but-apparently-always-had-been-fiancé. Iruka raised his eyebrows.

“I’m surprised that you guys are okay with this,” he said.

“Okay with what?” Sakura’s voice called from down the hall, and the three of them turned to look at the rest of their original Team 7 approaching. Kakashi was covered in bandages and hobbling alongside Sakura on crutches, looking at his students with curiosity.

“Uh, well…” Iruka started as Naruto panicked and started trying to pantomime the news he’d gotten only a scant few minutes ago, but it was Sasuke who managed to say it.

“Before the Kyūbi attack, my mother and Kushina Uzumaki signed a clan betrothal contract. The Uzumaki heir would be obligated to marry a Uchiha clan member of their choice, and since I’m the last one left...”

Every single shinobi in that hallway, including the ANBU hidden in the vents, came to a dead stop and stared at Naruto and Sasuke. Did they hear that right? Naruto Uzumaki and Sasuke Uchiha were getting hitched? Was this real life?

Kakashi burst out laughing and doubled over, collapsing to the ground.

“Kakashi-san, are you okay? Oh my god, did you reopen your stomach wound?!” Iruka screeched, jumping over to Kakashi’s side. He hoisted the hysterical ninja back up to his feet and dragged him back to the hospital he’d probably broken out of, a growing trail of blood behind them. Sakura shrugged, unperturbed.

“Really? That’s it?” she asked.

“Bwuh-huh? What do you mean, ‘that’s it’? I thought you had a crush on Sasuke! Heck, didn’t you have a crush on _me_ at some point?” Naruto wailed, pointing at her. Sakura rolled her eyes and swatted Naruto’s hand out of her face.

“First of all, you two were basically married the moment we became a genin team. Second, you’re my best friends, but it turns out my ‘crush’ on you two was really a misguided desire to _be_ like you. I broke down in the middle of sparring with Gai-sensei a few weeks ago because I was thinking about both of you being in the village, and he gave me the most important advice I’ve ever heard in my life.”

“Which was?” Sasuke asked.

“Compulsory heterosexuality is most unyouthful,” she deadpanned.

“Hear, hear,” Naruto said, and Sasuke nodded sagely.

“Anyways, congratulations on the engagement,” Sakura said cheerfully, bringing them in for a hug, “Do you need help with wedding planning? I can get a discount on flowers from Ino.”

“We’d appreciate that,” Sasuke said, somewhat pained, and Naruto whined. Sakura smiled and hugged them tighter. Her best friends had been through so much. It was about time for someone to do something nice for them.


End file.
